Real Advice. Real Life.

Straight-talk advice on marriage, parenting, work and the everyday crossroads of life. From a longtime wife, mom, and marketing VP who’s been there. Welcome.

Category: Parenting

  • On Dead Men and Holidays

    “Oh goodie. Another holiday in America celebrating a dead guy. So far this year: Martin Luther King Jr, St. Valentine, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington and St Patrick. Why, WHY are…

  • On Vocabulary Lessons Courtesy of Kid Rock

    The 8 y.o. enters the parents’ bedroom at 6am on a Saturday morning. The Mom has her Skullcandy earbuds in and listening to Spotify on her laptop as the 8…

  • On Cake

    “You can’t have your cake and eat it too” is a dumb expression. It’s MY cake. Or in this case, my ‘cupcake’. And look – as I’m eating it, I will reach…

  • On How to Mess with Substitutes

    My 12 yo daughter had a substitute today. Substitute: What’s your name? Girl: Hannah. Substitute: Hannah. Ok. Thanks. And you? Girl: Emily. Substitute: Hi Emily. And next to you? What’s…

  • On Sex, Drugs and…

    The 16 y.o.: I always talk to mom about “the feels” and “the sex”. The Dad: Obviously I’m happy about that… The 16 y.o.: And…I don’t talk to you about…

  • On Dinglehoppers and Lobster Forks

    The Mom (loudly opening and closing every drawer and cabinet in the kitchen): Does ANYONE know where the lobster forks are? The Mom (walks into media room with an epic…

  • On Running

    The Mom: Hey! Where are you going off to young lady? The 15 y.o.: The local 5k run is passing RIGHT IN FRONT of our house. I just saw some…

  • On The Empire Strikes Back

    The 15 yo: “But the Original Star Wars Trilogy had Lando Caldrippydone” The Mom: “You mean Lando Calrissian? How do you not know his name? You’ve seen the movie like…

  • On Toddlers

    It’s like dog beds…for toddlers The 12 yo

  • On Scottish Names

    The 8 y.o.: Who’s Ed? The Mom: Ed? Ed who? The 8 y.o.: Ed Burro The Mom: Who? What? What are you talking about? The 8 y.o. (points to the television):…

Scarlett of Suburbia shares personal opinions and general life perspective for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not professional, medical, psychological, legal, or financial advice, and no columnist-reader relationship is created by reading this site or sending a message. For serious concerns, please consult a qualified professional. Submissions may be published, edited for length or clarity, and shared anonymously.