Real Advice. Real Life.

Straight-talk advice on marriage, parenting, work and the everyday crossroads of life. From a longtime wife, mom, and marketing VP who’s been there. Welcome.

Category: Parenting

  • On The Statue of Liberty

    The Mom: What is the Statue of Liberty holding in her left hand? The 13 y.o.: A torch. Wait, no, a book. No. {holds her right arm out} Yes, a…

  • On Orwell {pt 2}

    The Mom: In 1984, what are the names of the 4 Ministries? Why do you think Orwell selected those particular names? The 13 y.o.: Truth, Love, Peace and Plenty. Whoa…

  • Lil C’s Letter to Santa {aged 5}

    Dear Santa, Since you got my order wrong last year, except for the dollhouse, I’m telling daddy to write this down for you so you don’t forget. Plus there’s a…

  • On Texting {pt ii}

    The 13 y.o.: Mom? Do you know where my sister is? The Mom: I haven’t seen either of them- Uh, a little advice. When you ask someone a question, look…

  • Baked Mushroom Risotto

    Ingredients 1 ounce bag dried porcini mushrooms (usually found next to the fresh mushrooms) 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter 2 bunches scallions (green onions), chopped 3 carrots, peeled and…

  • On Orwell {pt 1}

    The Mom: Let’s discuss this quote from Orwell’s 1984: “Don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought?” What does this mean to…

  • On Cliches

    The Mom: Do you know what the cliche “two wrongs don’t make a right” means? For example, if Big C hit you and you hit her back. The 9 y.o.:…

  • That Santa at church last year was a fake. His costume smelled like peas and chicken. The REAL Santa would’ve smelled like warm chocolate chip cookies and milk. AND he…

  • On Slang {Then and Now}

    The 13 y.o.(while watching Speed Racer): Who names their kid “Sparky”? Did parents just hate their kids in the 50’s? The Mom: Says the spokesperson for her generation who have…

  • On Halloween Plans

    The 5 y.o.: Next year for Halloween, I’m going as euthanasia. The 9 y.o.: What is “youth in Asia”? The 5 y.o.: What? I SAID: I’m going as a pink…

Scarlett of Suburbia shares personal opinions and general life perspective for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not professional, medical, psychological, legal, or financial advice, and no columnist-reader relationship is created by reading this site or sending a message. For serious concerns, please consult a qualified professional. Submissions may be published, edited for length or clarity, and shared anonymously.