Real Advice. Real Life.

Straight-talk advice on marriage, parenting, work and the everyday crossroads of life. From a longtime wife, mom, and marketing VP who’s been there. Welcome.

Category: Funny

  • On Proper Names for Boy Body Parts

    The Mom: Please use the proper names you’ve learned for the male anatomy. The 9 y.o.: “Hoo hoo” and “dingledong”? The Mom: No. Just. No. The 13 y.o.: I can’t say…

  • On Hurricane Joaquin

    The Mom: Just reading about Hurricane Joaquin. Joaquin. What’s up with that name? You know some local weather guy is butchering the name like “Hurricane Joe-A-Q-In”. Or “Joa-Queen”. The 17…

  • On Judaism

    The Mom: Judaism is divided into at least 3 types. The Hasidic — The 16 y.o (interrupting): The acidic, the base and the neutrals.

  • On Career Ambitions

    The 9 y.o.: Well, you’ll be glad to know I’ve got a new career goal now. The Mom: Okay… The 9 y.o.: Do you remember what I wanted to be?…

  • On Future Husband Research

    The Mom: Who’s mission call video are you watching? The 16 y.o: No idea. But he’s so cute! I think his name is Landon. Or Stockton. They’re twins. The Mom:…

  • On Vocabulary Lessons Courtesy of Kid Rock

    The 8 y.o. enters the parents’ bedroom at 6am on a Saturday morning. The Mom has her Skullcandy earbuds in and listening to Spotify on her laptop as the 8…

  • On Cake

    “You can’t have your cake and eat it too” is a dumb expression. It’s MY cake. Or in this case, my ‘cupcake’. And look – as I’m eating it, I will reach…

  • On How to Mess with Substitutes

    My 12 yo daughter had a substitute today. Substitute: What’s your name? Girl: Hannah. Substitute: Hannah. Ok. Thanks. And you? Girl: Emily. Substitute: Hi Emily. And next to you? What’s…

  • On Waking Up Teens

Scarlett of Suburbia shares personal opinions and general life perspective for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not professional, medical, psychological, legal, or financial advice, and no columnist-reader relationship is created by reading this site or sending a message. For serious concerns, please consult a qualified professional. Submissions may be published, edited for length or clarity, and shared anonymously.