Scarlett of Suburbia

Field Notes from The Motherhood


October 2015

On Proper Names for Boy Body Parts

The Mom: Please use the proper names you’ve learned for the male anatomy.

The 9 y.o.: “Hoo hoo” and “dingledong”?

The Mom: No. Just. No.

The 13 y.o.: I can’t say ‘testicle’ without thinking ‘Popsicle’ for some strange reason. What if THAT was a thing? Testicle Popsicles.

The 9 y.o.: Remember Pokemon?  Pokeballs, anyone?

Pokeball Cake Pops


On A Day in the Homeschool

We eased into the day with a bowl of Frosted Flakes and milk.

Reading the nutrition label, we learned that the 1 cup serving size is less that we usually pour into the bowl. By a factor of 4, at least. Oops.

We compromised at 2 cups with 8 oz of full-fat milk. Because low-fat milk tastes like baby cow juice.

{checked ‘Health’ off the daily subjects list}

Ate breakfast while watching Let’s Make A Deal.

Introduced kids to the basic show format: contestants are chosen and play against each other to ‘make a deal’ where Dealmaker Wayne Brady offers them a choice: do you want what is under the box or the envelope which could be $5,000 or just $1 or some amount in between? 13 yo wants the box and 9 yo wants the envelope. Contestant took the box and it was a nice vacation.

Then the other contestant is offered the envelope, or what is behind the curtain, which could be a car or a booby prize {note to self: never, ever use that phrase again until your daughters are married}

Contestant choose the curtain. Wayne peeks into the envelope. He pulls out $500 and asks again which one she wants. The girls think she should stick with the curtain. But does she? You know she took the envelope.

So Brady flashes that smile as he turns back to the vacation dude and says – you know you’ve got that sweet vacation. Or you could have what is behind the curtain. He sticks with the vacation. {Well played son – probably saved your marriage right there}

Back to the woman and Wayne starts looking in his envelope again and pulls out 4 $500 bills.

I asked the younger to figure out how much she won and she said, “Enough to have a REALLY nice dinner. And adopt a puppy.” {Thanks common core. This is why I am now homeschooling}

It was the final round where the vacation guy {scratch what I said earlier – he’s going to be divorced before he gets home if he does not win the car} picks Door #1. So Wayne shows us what’s behind #2, which was a hot tub and jet ski package because, I guess, So Cal. Whatever. Then Wayne asks if he wants to stay with #1 or take #3 instead.

The 13 yo pipes up: “He should change to #3. Better chance of winning. It’s math. Fractions. Probability. So the big prize can be behind Door #1, 2 or 3, right? A 1/3 chance. If he stays with #1, it’s only a 1/3 likelihood he’ll win. Door #2+3 together are 2/3. #2 is not the car, so he should switch to #3. Because duh. Odds just went to 0 for #2 and to 2/3 or 66.5% vs 33.5% for Door 1.

{crosses Math off the daily list}

The 9 y.o. asks if she can play Minecraft. Remembers reading somewhere how Minecraft really helps kids nail down basic skills. Suggests she plays with her sister, so they can both reap the educational benefits.

{crosses off Reading, Writing, Social Skills, Linguistics, Music and Computer Science}

Suddenly it’s noon. They are still playing Minecraft. Time to feed them lunch.

Opened the fridge to see the bakery box holding leftover chocolate cake with buttercream frosting…

And home school is over for Friday.


***Please note: this post is a reminder that education + learning experiences are around us all the time. My daughters do more challenging work during the homeschool day ranging from computer science {the 13 y.o. taught herself HTML over the summer and completed a Python course last month. Now she is mastering Photoshop. Then After Effects by Christmas}, reading poetry, reciting Shakespeare, examining the American Revolution as seen from each side {since they are 1/2 British and 1/2 American}, understanding the scientific method and chemical reactions through baking and other kitchen experiments, and taking field notes while visiting the zoo on a recent field trip.

On Hurricane Joaquin

The Mom: Just reading about Hurricane Joaquin. Joaquin. What’s up with that name? You know some local weather guy is butchering the name like “Hurricane Joe-A-Q-In”. Or “Joa-Queen”.

The 17 y.o.: Joaquin is chill. It sounds like a big, bad storm name. Not girly like “Nancy”. Or “Sandy”. Who’s gonna run away from “Hurricane Diane”? These are not big, bad storm names. Nancy sounds like she runs a call center in Iowa and reports to Diane.

Key and Peele Substitute Teacher Hurricane Joaquin

Click here for the Key and Peele Substitute Teacher Sketch from the above picture [PG-13 for language]

PS. It’s not the first time my eldest has expressed her opinion about hurricanes. Flash back with this gem of a conversation  from 2011 between my eldest (who was 12 at the time) and middle daughter (9 at the time).

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