Scarlett of Suburbia

Field Notes from The Motherhood


May 2013

On Seminary Success


I wish I did as well in Algebra as I do in church!

The 14 y.o.


On Puking in the Car

The 7 y.o.: I don’t feel very good. My tummy is upset. I think I need a bucket.

The 11 y.o.: We’re in a car. Don’t vomit inside the car! Step 1: Push the button so the window comes down. Step 2: Stick your head out of the open window. Step 3: Proceed with puking. Repeat as often as necessary.

The 14 y.o.: Step 4. Act like nothing happened.


On Breakfast in Bed

The Dad: Since it’s a holiday weekend, I’m going to bring everyone breakfast in bed. 

The Mom: What’re you cooking?

The Dad: I’m getting it from the diner. So you can look at their menu online and get whatever you want.

The 14 y.o.: What? Reading? <insert teenage sound of disgust> Seriously? I have to read?

The Dad: Or I can pull up the children’s menu so you can just point at a picture instead.

Howard Johnson Retro Menu for Children 1960s

On Tacos

The Mom: I had fish tacos for lunch. They were delicious!

The 10 y.o.: Were they soft shell or deep-fried?

The Mom: Soft. It was a freshly made tortilla.

The 10 y.o.: I wonder which came first – the Spanish tortilla or Greek pita. They seem to be derived from a common idea with flour and water as their main ingredients. What do you think?

The Mom: I think you need to ask the Internet. I am not smarter than my 5th grader, but the collective knowledge of the planet may be.

tortilla or pita

On Fish

The 14 y.o.: I’ve never seen so many fish restaurants in one place in my life! I wonder why fish is so big in Wisconsin.

The 6 y.o.: Well, the town IS called Whitefish Bay.

Whitefish Bay, WI

On Mommy Meltdowns

The Mom: Could ONE of you three just get on with stacking the dishwasher after dinner? Dad and I make the money, buy the food, and cook your dinner every night – the least you could do is tidy up afterwards without us begging you to just get it done. And another thing – push your chairs under the table after you are done eating. Who left the sliding door unlocked and open? Seriously – WERE YOU BORN IN A BARN?

The 7 y.o. (thoughtfully): No. But Jesus was.


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