Scarlett of Suburbia

Field Notes from The Motherhood


March 2013

On Rhyming

The Mom: The Five Guys is inside the mall just down the road.

The 14 y.o.: What’s the name of the mall?

The Mom: It’s called the Brookfield Galleria.

The 10 y.o.: Galleria? What a great word! Now I know what rhymes with “diarrhea”. 

Galleria sign


On Doctor Who’s On First?

The Doctor
Photo Credit: Anna Thetical

The 10 y.o.: Whatcha watchin’?

The 6 y.o.: The Doctor.

The 10 y.o.: Doctor Who?

The 6 y.o.: Yep. Shhhh!

The 10 y.o.: Doctor WHO?

The 6 y.o.: YES! That’s what I said! Now SHHH! This is a good bit when he talks to the big bug.

The 10 y.o.: Doctor WHO? What’s his first name?

The 6 y.o. {hold up fingers with her airquotes): “The” as in “The Doctor”.

The 10 y.o. {sarcastically using her fingers for airquotes}: “The Doctor”…WHO???!

The 6 y.o.: I give up. I’m going to watch it in my bedroom.


The 6 y.o.: I just told you. Doctor Who.

The 10 y.o.: Oh for goodness’ sake! I just want to know what you’re watching and you haven’t told me his name! Doctor WHO???

The 6 y.o.: Yes. Exactly. That’s what I said.

The 10 y.o.: I know. Wait – what?

The 6 y.o.: I’m going to watch the Doctor somewhere that’s quiet. See ya!

The 10 y.o.: MOM!!!!

David Tennant's Doctor Who White Hi-top trainers tennis shoes

On Traditional Media

The 6 y.o.: Dad? Why is the car talking to me while I was waiting for you to get in?

The Dad: It’s called the radio. I have it on NPR.

The 6 y.o.: Well it’s boring. And it freaked me out! Can you plug in my iTouch so I can listen to my playlist? I want to go to school ‘Op Op Op Op’m Gangnam Style’


On March Madness 2013

The 14 y.o.: My homework? Well, I have to revise my poem for Honors English. Review the questions for The Raven. Um… My biology packet is done. And I have something I’m supposed to do for math. Oh, and I have to finish my bracket for March Madness.

The Mom: Finishing up your bracket? That’s your homework?

The 14 y.o.: Yeah. For Business Tech. Apparently “filling in the brackets” is an essential skill for success in corporate America. 

The Mom: Ain’t that the truth! So who’d you pick as the overall winner this year?

The 14 y.o.: Well I don’t really know much about college basketball, so I ended up randomly picking the Indiana Hooters. 


On Phone Calls with 6 Year Olds

Shirley Temple on Phone{Phone rings}

The Mom: Hello?

The 6 y.o.: Hello?

The Mom: Hello?

The 6 y.o.: Hello?

The Mom: Hello!

The 6 y.o.: Heeeyodelayheehooooo!!!

The Mom: Is this you, Lil C?

The 6 y.o.: Yes. It is I.

The Mom: Why are you calling me from school?

The 6 y.o.: Because I can. And I forgot my glasses. And Mrs J says I need ’em ’cause we’re gonna do some readin’ this afternoon. So drop everything you’re doing and bring them to me. Please. Now. Uh, how do we stop this conversation? ‘Cause I gotta go to the bathroom {hangs up}

On Sibling Rivalry

1-posh kidsThe Mom: Big C, YOU are the eldest sister. One day, hopefully a long, LONG time from now, daddy and I will be gone. The relationships you build today with your younger sisters will pay huge emotional returns to you in the future, pretty much forever. BUT. If you continue to treat them the way you do, what happens in 20 years when, say your kids want to go ride horses at their “Auntie M’s” house?

The 14 y.o.: Well, assuming she doesn’t have a restraining order against me… I’ll have the nanny drop them off.

On Scribblenauts

scribblenautThe 6 y.o.: Mom? How do you spell ‘bear’? Like the animal, I mean. Not naked skin.

The Mom: B-E-A-R.

The 6 y.o.: Hmm. Mom? How do you spell ‘honey’?

The Mom: H-O-N-E-Y.

The 6 y.o.: Thanks. AAAARGH! NOOOO! Wait! Don’t – NOOO!!!

[really long pause]

The 6 y.o.: Mom? How do you spell ‘nice bear’?

On Erudite Posters

Page from Little WomenThe 10 y.o.: I need to create a poster about a book I’ve read. I’m thinking about the Fablehaven series, but I’m afraid a lot of kids will do that series too. See also: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and {deep sigh} Twilight. I want to do something unique. I also liked Little Women, but it’s not very unique.

The Mom: How about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? You know I recently made that poster for the Willy Wonka show, so I have a bunch of cute candy and chocolate elements you could use.

The 10 y.o.: Yeah. Uh. No. I mean I never actually read it. Only saw the movie. Well, movies. The old one and the Johnny Depp version.

The Mom: Well, the Roald Dahl novel is a quick read. I’ll bet you could read it —

The 10 y.o.: I know – faster than Hitler took Poland. As in 24 hours. Yeah. I could. But I think I’m going with Little Women. So I’ll need to make a shawl, a piano, a fireplace and…a coffin.

On Coke

vintage coke signThe Mom: So thinking about the raw elements and supply chain to produce the Coke can, the sugar syrup and factories needed to make Coca-cola, then distribute it to stores around the world for about 75-cents a pop, how many countries do you think could do it all themselves?

The 10 y.o.: First world problems? I have your definition.



Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: