Scarlett of Suburbia

Field Notes from The Motherhood


February 2013

On Parent-Teacher Conferences

The 10 y.o.: Dad – I have a note you need to sign and return for parent-teacher conference in March. Apparently my teachers feel it is ‘appropriate’ at this time to meet with you and mom. I have straight A’s, so I can’t think why…

The Dad: Perhaps ripping up your homework in front of your English teacher might have something to do with it.

The 10 y.o.: Hmm. Maybe. They say, ‘anger management’ I say, ‘creative genius’. I guess I’ll just have to agree to disagree with their labeling nomenclature.

Every Child is an Artist


On Pizza

The 6 y.o.: I’m STARVING! What’s for dinner? Never mind. Whatever we’re having, I don’t like it. What’re we having?

The Dad: I made Cottage Pie.

The 6 y.o. {inflates her cheeks, covers her mouth and bolts off to the bathroom}: That’s soooo GROSS!

{retching sounds heard from bathroom}

The 6 y.o. returns, asking: Can I have pizza instead?

Pizza Face


On Inventing Things

A Pair of Bacons: Sir Francis and Kevin

The 14 y.o.: I have a test tomorrow in world history on inventors. Guys like Galileo Gallelli, Rene Descartes, uh, Sir…Kevin Bacon.

The Mom: Sir Francis Bacon?

The 14 y.o.: Yeah. Him. I bet he’s related to Kevin.

The Mom: You said Rene Descartes. I thought he was a philosopher, not an inventor. What did he invent?

The 14 y.o.: Lots of things like, ummm. Geometry. And Doubt.

On Glasses

Mrs J. {The 1st Grade Teacher}: Lil C, aren’t you supposed to be wearing your glasses every day for reading?

The 6 y.o.: Yes

The Teacher: Where are they now? Why aren’t you wearing them?

The 6 y.o.: I just had to take them off, Mrs J, because my eyes were sweating!

On Hitler Invading Poland

I can haz Poland Hitler Cat

The Mom: You’re done already? Wow!  You ate that snack quicker than Hitler took Poland!

The 10 y.o. (reading her book): Mom? Didn’t it take a full day for Hitler to invade Poland? As in 24 hours. Therefore, wouldn’t it stand to reason that pretty much everything is going to be quicker than Hitler took Poland?

The Mom: Uh….oh my goodness. Huh. I guess you’re right. Got any more zinger observations for me?

The 10 y.o. (looks up from her book): Yes. Yes I do. What IS the answer to a rhetorical question?


*Edited to add a link to a post last year when The Mom used this same metaphor and all 3 girls got a history lesson.

On Doppelgängers


The 6 y.o.: Wanna see the book I checked out from the library? It has a doppelgänger of Fergus on the cover.

The 14 y.o.: A what of who?

The 6 y.o.: A doppelgänger. Of your dog. The cairn terrier?

The 10 y.o.: Ok – I’ll ask the obvious question: what’s a doppelgänger?

The 6 y.o.: It’s someone who looks exactly like you, but isn’t you.

The 10 y.o.: Like a clone, right?

The 6 y.o.: Did I say clone? No. I said doppelgänger. A clone IS you. A doppelgänger is someone else who looks like you. Don’t they teach you anything in 5th grade?

On Groundhogs & Hedgehogs

hedgehogThe 6 y.o.: Did the hedgehog see it’s shadow this morning?

The 10 y.o.: Groundhog.

The 6 y.o.: That’s what I said. Did the hedgehog see it’s shadow?

The 10 y.o.: You said ‘hedgehog’ and it is a ‘groundhog’. That’s why it’s called ‘Groundhog Day’.

The 6 y.o.: It was called Hedgehog Day first. Therefore, I win.

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