Scarlett of Suburbia

Field Notes from The Motherhood


November 2012

On 5th Grade Music

I’m singing in the choir. The brass instruments were too heavy. I got confused by the reeds and the woodwinds. Why is a flute a woodwind anyway? It doesn’t use a reed and it’s not made of wood?

And I refused to even try the string instruments. I mean THINK about what the bow is made from! Horse hair! Seriously? I will not contribute to the harming of horses in order to play a ridiculous instrument that sounds like a screeching hawk!

The 10 y.o. (on why she will never play a musical instrument besides the piano)


On World History

The Mom: What is the Justinian code and why it is so important, even today?
The 14 y.o.: Well, there was this dude, Justin, who was hanging out in…turkeygreecegermany… somewhere around that part of Europe a long time ago. He had good manners. One day, he became king. Or Emperor. And he imposed this code on his people. The end.

On Into The Woods

The Mom: I am so happy that we bought the DVD for Into The Woods. I forget how much I love this show – so entertaining and funny!
The 10 y.o.: It’s like good fairy tales gone bad. And it’s kinda weird. I’ve got homework to do.
The Mom: But it’s only the intermission…
The 10 y.o.: Pretty sure I know how it all works out. “And they all lived happily ever after”. Well, except for the Giant in Jack’s story.

On Big, Red, Long, Curly Hair

The Mom: I curled my hair this morning – kinda going for a Black Widow from the Avengers look. Whaddya think?
The 6 y.o.: You look like Merida from Brave. {pause} AFTER she’s gone for a ride on her horse Angus.

On Turducken

The Mom: I have no idea yet what the menu is for Thanksgiving.
The 14 y.o.: But we’re gonna have a chi-durkey, right?
The Mom: A what?
The 14 y.o.: No it’s a chi-ducken. That thing with the turkey. And the duck.
The Mom: A tur-duck-en?
The 14 y.o.: That thing – yeah. And sweet potatoes. With marshmallows on top.

On Planets

I have to do a science project on the planet Mercury. It’s my least favorite planet. Jupiter is my next least favorite. Then Mars. My favorite planet is Saturn.
All I want to know and, therefore, need to know about Mercury is:
-Closest to the sun
-Hottest planet
-And it’s got Venus’s planet sign with devil horns.

The 10 y.o. {who loves Neil DeGrasse-Tyson, but doesn’t see astrophysics in her future}

On Caillou

The 6 y.o.: The only thing on tv is Caillou
The 10 y.o.: Aaaargh. I can’t stand that whiny, alien, cancer boy.
The 6 y.o.: He doesn’t have cancer.
The 10 y.o.: He’s 4 years old and he’s bald. I mean even his DAD has hair. So it’s gotta be chemotherapy for his cancer. It’s a sub-plot.
The 6 y.o.: Well he’s not an alien.
The 10 y.o.: He’s Canadian; therefore, alien.

On Vocabulary

The Mom: Have you cut up your word cards for this week?
The 6 y.o.: No. I didn’t like the words.
The Mom: You don’t have to like them. You just have to know how to spell them and know what rhymes. Here – how ’bout the word “rug”
The 6 y.o.: R-U-G. And it rhymes with words I do not like. Bug. Nut. Sun.
The 10 y.o.: Newsflash for Captain Obvious. Rug does not rhyme with nut or sun.

On National Debt

The 10 y.o.: So let me get this straight. From George Washington to 2008 when Obama came into office, the national debt was 10 trillion dollars. And now it is 16 trillion? When was George Washington first elected?
The 14 y.o.: The 1700s.
The 10 y.o.: I know that. I mean what year?
The 14 y.o.: Yes.

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