Scarlett of Suburbia

Field Notes from The Motherhood


October 2012

On Apple Maps

The Mom: The worst part about Apple maps is that the woman’s voice sounds just like my mother.
The 6 y.o. I wish she sounded like the hamster in the hamster dance song. Wouldn’t that be better, mommy?


On Hurricanes

I can’t believe that New York City has all that water in the streets! Those poor people. And it’s so dark.
Hey – you know what they need? A wand with the lumos spell.
That would fix everything.

The 6 y.o. “Pollyanna”

On Violet

The 6 y.o.: What color is violet?
The 10 y.o.: Violet.
The 6 y.o.: I mean what color is it?
The 10 y.o.: It’s violet. That’s the color: violet.
The 6 y.o.: AARGH! I mean is it yellow or red or blue or what?
The 10 y.o.: Purple
The 6 y.o.: Well I don’t have a purple crayon, so what other colors could it be?

On Elections

I’ll just teach Aaron and Kylie about the Presidents of the United States so they can play Presidents vs Aliens while you have your piano lesson.

I won’t even mention Mitt Romney. I promise. Anyway Aaron didn’t even know who Barack Obama was and I’m not about to explain American politics to a 6 year old boy. All he needs to know is that the Presidents with the biggest head wins.

The 6 y.o. (who doesn’t understand why she has to wait another 12 years to vote in her first election.)

On Recess

Mommy I hate recess.
You don’t learn anything, you have to go outside where it’s loud, wet and boring and the playground is filled with boys acting crazy and wild. *MY* favorite subject is MATH. I love it so much. Counting money; counting time; counting music beats…Only Aaron and I know it is all the same and it’s so much fun!
And math is right before recess, so I’d rather spend recess doing more math.

The 6 y.o. (when asked what her favorite subject is in 1st grade…besides recess)

On Camp

So I only had to clean up one time during all of 5th grade camp. The teachers started by saying that the shortest kids had to stay and do the clean up first. Ha! I literally LAUGHED OUT LOUD knowing I was free to have fun for a few minutes.
I mean, let’s face it, “short” and me have never been in the same sentence together.
Well until that sentence.

The 10 y.o. (who has a very dry sense of humor)

On Cleaning

The 14 y.o.: I *like* to clean my room because I find all sorts of useful things. This time I found $20.
The Dad: We like it when you clean your room too. Because then we can find all sorts of useful things. Like the floor.

On Evil People

People with eye patches in cartoons are ALWAYS evil. Always.

The 10 y.o.

On British Accents

The Mom: Raspberries is one of the few words I still love to hear your dad say with his British accent.
The Dad: What words don’t you like to hear me say?
The Mom: Uh, pianist, for one. If you’d pronounce it like an American instead of-
The Dad: Pianist.
{The 14 y.o. erupts in school girl giggles}
The 10 y.o.: Dad. You said “Penis”. Not pianist.
The 14 y.o.: Have you met my sister? She’s beast with the straight-talk.

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: