Scarlett of Suburbia

Field Notes from The Motherhood


November 2011

On Michigan Football

The 5 y.o.: I’ve had enough of football. Let’s watch that Santa Wipeout that was just on TV. That looked cool.
The 9 y.o.: We can’t. It was an ad for a show that will be on later.
The 5 y.o.: Well put on the Internet. Maybe mommy can find it.
The 13 y.o.: The show isn’t available until it comes on TV.
The 5 y.o.: Ok. When is it going to be on TV?
The 9 y.o.: I have no idea.
The 13 y.o.: Yeah, no idea. So that ad didn’t really WHOA! TOUCHDOWN for Michigan!!!
The 5 y.o.: Guess I’d better learn to love football. {sigh}


On The Old Spice…Girl

The 5 y.o.: I have to make up a timeline about my life for school this week. All the big events that have happened since I was born.
The 9 y.o.: How about your first Christmas?
The 13 y.o.: And your first birthday?
The 5 y.o.: And my second, third, fourth and LAST birthdays too. Yep, that about covers it.
The Mom: Ok. And in other news, that lipstick looks really pretty on you, Big C.
The 13 y.o.: Really? Thanks. I’m playing a reindeer, so I wasn’t sure what color to pick.
The 5 y.o.: And…back to me. And my timeline. So what else has happened since I’ve been alive?

On Blackmailing Mom

The 13 y.o.: Well, what are you going to give me to NOT tell my little sisters what you got them for Christmas?
The Mom: (throws a bag of chocolate gold coins to the 13 y.o.) Here you go. I am buying your silence until Christmas day.
The 13 y.o. (counting the coins) Whoa! That’s way more than what Judas got!

On Reversals

The 5 y.o.: What does reverse mean?
The 9 y.o.: Backwards.
The 5 y.o. But what if you’re spinning in a circle? How do you reverse?
The 9 y.o.: You spin the other way. Backwards.
The 13 y.o.: Reverse is such a cool word. But it would be cooler if it was a palindrome.
The 5 y.o.: Ok. I’m tired of talking about reverse. Let’s move on to a new topic.
The 13 y.o.: How about…how grateful we are that we are not a turkey today?

On Manners

The 5 y.o.: Daddy, I know you found my blue fish this morning, but I lost it again. Can you find it for me and put it on the table so I see it when I get home from school?
The Dad: Is that how you ask politely for people to help you?
The 5 y.o.: No, you’re right. I should have told you which table to put it on.

I made a turkey at school today. He has colorful feathers. And eyelashes! I’m going to call him Bob. Or Percival. Percy the turkey. I like that.

The 5 y.o.

On Little Sisters

The Mom: Where is M? Is she outside? Or in her bedroom?
The 5 y.o.: Ooooo! Pick me to go find her! I love to spy on M in her bedroom. I have ways of getting into her room…

On State Capitals {pt ii}

The Mom: What is the capital of Louisiana?
The 9 y.o.: Baton Rouge.
The 13 y.o.: Which is French for red….baton. I think it means stick.
The 9 y.o.: Oh baton? Like what a cheerleader twirls, right?

On The Statue of Liberty

The Mom: What is the Statue of Liberty holding in her left hand?
The 13 y.o.: A torch. Wait, no, a book. No. {holds her right arm out} Yes, a torch.
The Mom: In her LEFT hand. The answers are: a torch, a tablet, a scale or a baby.
The 13 y.o.: A tablet? She is NOT holding an iPad. So it has to be a torch, right?

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